Finding True Self-confidence – Personal development Notes #1
If you have to go around trying to prove to the world that you are confident in yourself, then you lack confidence in yourself.
Let's agree that confidence is a state of control and awareness; a state of calm and collectedness in which an individual can assess their circumstances properly, and thus can react correctly to said circumstances.
A word of advice here: if you have heard that you should pretend to be self-assured until you become it, stop, and realise what a silly suggestion that is. Deceiving yourself about having a particular skill (and yes, confidence is a skill) will not enable you to perform that skill. The best way to become self-confident is to work on the parts of you that need improvement. This conception, however, brings about a more critical question: do you know what parts of you need to change? The truth is most of us cannot see our shortcomings.
It follows that my advice for today is to take a fair and honest look at yourself and find the aspects of your personality that may be interfering with your growth. Again, be honest. An excellent way to see the things in you that you cannot is to ask for the criticism of others. A trusted friend or a respected mentor can be good sources of feedback. Remembering and reflecting on what others have told you in the past are useful tools for personal development. Getting past hurt feelings is excellent for learning to take criticisms well. There is much to be said about what those who dislike you think of you, but I will get to that another time.
I'll leave you with this: we all have insecurities; parts of ourselves that we need to improve, and the first step to earning our self-confidence is to figure out what those parts are, and how we can change them.